


Scuffed

by shaded_blue_fangs



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, ask yourself, what do you value?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27105793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaded_blue_fangs/pseuds/shaded_blue_fangs
Summary: Eren loves Levi, but does he value himself more?
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Scuffed

The screen door made a dreadful squeak as the spring pulled too far. It’s angry protests and jerky motions matched the angry pair of feet shuffle-stomping down the stairs. The wheels of a suitcase followed in tandem, rocking unsteady from one side to the other as it was yanked down the stairs. Moments later then _squeeaak-swing_ ** _BANG_** _rattle_. Another set of shoes clobbered across the deck and down the stairs to catch up to the other.

“Eren! Eren wait!” His voice was desperate.

Eren spun on his heel, key already in the door of the old pick up, pinched tightly in his fingers. His green eyes sparked and he growled. “Give me ONE good reason.”

“Eren, Eren please. I love you, look at what you’ve done to me.” Levi’s face was uncharacteristically expressive; a shaky hand raked through his hair setting it more askew, eyes wide, slightly red and bloodshot, eyebrows wrinkled in disbelief and panic and fear and too many other emotions Eren didn’t give pause to evaluate. “Please, don’t--don’t _leave_ . I know we can work this out. Let’s just go and sit and _talk_ \--”

Eren’s voice was cold. “I refuse to let this go on.”

Levi’s cracked. “Eren…” He stared at Eren, looking for any pity or the love that once glowed there. He must’ve found it because he took another step forward, speaking softly “Eren, do you remember when we bought this house?”

How could he forget? It had been years of hard work and long shifts to save up enough. The day they bought it, the day they got the keys and entered it together, hand in hand, had been one of the best in his life. The house had so many memories. Eren knew what Levi was doing.

“Of course I remember. I remember the years we--” He took his hand off the key briefly to gesture between them, “put into it. But that can’t help you. For too long, Levi, for too long, I have let you cast me aside, forgiving your long nights, your inattention, your callous behaviors. Thinking you tired from work, thinking it would pass. I figured so, what with your new promotion and fancy office. I let you, because I know your job is important. And I value that. But I am important too.” Eren closed his eyes and steeled himself for his next words. He had a sudden spike of envy for Levi who, for once could and did wear his emotions openly.

“Levi, if you can’t make time for me, if you can’t give me more than your _barest effort_...then, I feel it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.” Eren remotely watched Levi’s face shatter, tears welling up then falling like fragile pieces of glass. Eren felt his own heart crack and chip with it. He hid it; now, maybe for the first time, he had to be firm.

He sighed and reached out to cup Levi’s cheek, thumb brushing the tears on his skin. Levi didn’t move, albeit unconsciously leaning into his hand. “I love you Levi, I do. I _am_ sorry to hurt you.”

Eren leaned in and gave him a kiss, too quick to truly savor like they both wanted.

Then he turned away, swinging his suitcase up into the bed of the truck. The motion shocked Levi into action. He lunged desperately for the suitcase and caught it. Eren looked at him, surprised.

“Eren, no, Eren _please_ . I _love_ you. I--can’t live _without_ you. Don’t _do_ this to me.”

Eren frowned, the wrinkle in his brow unnatural. He snapped, tugging on the bag, “Well, you should’ve thought of that when you started spending more time at the office, out with co-workers, travelling for work, and only bothering to remind me last minute. You should’ve thought of that when you brought work home and continually brushed me off. You don’t _talk_ to me anymore Levi! You don’t look me in the eye, you don’t touch me...I’m sick of feeling like your _housekeeper_!”

Levi snarled, first signs of anger in the whole fight, “Well, you shouldn’t have let it fester. You should’ve told me-”

Eren gave the bag one final jerk and fell back against the truck with the force of it. The keys fell out of the door and on the ground. Traitorous tears were pooling in his eyes, falling down his cheeks. “I shouldn’t have had to tell you! You should’ve _wanted to talk to me_ . You used to...you used to tell me how much you _liked_ my babbling over. Now, I feel afraid to say something with how busy and tense you seem. Everytime I _tried_ you’d just--it’s like you didn’t even see me anymore. I don’t want to feel this way and I see no other way out.”

Eren swiped down and grabbed the keys. In a rushed motion, he unlocked the door and threw it open. He shoved the suitcase in first and made to follow.

Two arms caught him around the middle and squeezed. He was sure Levi now knew how badly he was shaking, but it was impossible to tell if he was shaking because of Levi or if Levi was because of him.

“Don’t. Eren. Don’t go. If you leave now, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Eren steeled himself again and began to pry Levi’s arms off. The arms were reluctant to move. Eren pried them off. He didn’t throw them away, but held his hands and turned around.

“Levi, I love you too much to live without you, but we both need this. I think--” he ignored Levi shaking his head. “Levi, Levi, listen to me please. I need you to remember. I don’t want this to be just another a blip, a scare, a bump on the road and you say sorry and then go back to how you were. You need to remember how to be the man I fell in love with. _I_ need you to remember. Because I can’t do this, what’s been going on. And, I’m afraid. I don’t trust you to change that quickly. I am prepared to try and live on without you.”

This time Eren did kiss him long enough to savor. Levi held him tight, trying to keep the pieces from breaking.

When Eren pulled away, Levi let him. Because he was right.

And he would try. Try to be better for Eren.

…

It had been a failure in communication. Eren knew he could’ve spoken up sooner. But as the air had grown stiff in that house, he found it harder to hum as he washed the dishes, talk to himself about the comments made by his editor, make jokes over breakfast. Eren _knew_ he could’ve done more to save the relationship, but he’d already done _so much_. And Eren had gone back and forth in his own head for months trying to reason one way or the other. 

That particular day had just been another one of his abrupt work trips, sprung on him out-of-the-blue but a day in advance. Another dismissive “Yeah, okay Eren, I’ll try to let you know earlier next time”, another flippant “Sorry, I’ll be late tonight” tacked on and Eren had to eat at that table _alone_ . _Again_.

So, even though he could’ve done more, it felt like the last straw. He wouldn’t be pushed around. He wouldn’t be taken for granted.

…

It was six months later when Hanji showed up in the little pizzeria he found for a day job. One look at her grim face and he knew she’d come for more than pleasantries. He called his thirty minute break and walked with her outside to a bench down the block. Hanji had coffee with her and gave Eren his. He smiled at the cup. Iced Caramel Macchiato. She still remembered.

“You look awful.”

Eren harrumphed and took a sip.

“But not as god-awful _terrible_ a certain dark haired man you and I know.”

Eren slumped, holding the cup between his two hands, tracing the edge of the lid with his index finger. “...That was kind of the point.”

Hanji just gave him an unreadable look over the edge of her own cup.

“You guys should talk again.”

Eren sighed and curled over his knees. “You’re not the first to tell me. Armin’s been nudging me towards reconnection.” He sighed again and looked up at the sky: drab blue, wispy clouds, too bright sun. “I won’t lie; I miss him. So much. I still love him, it’s just…”

Hanji cocked her head, waiting for him to continue. After a moment, he did, “I’ve been spending a lot of time...thinking. Remembering how we met, how I got swept up in everything Levi. And then how that’s deteriorated these past years. And...I’m so scared that this will be all for naught. That if I reach out, and find he hasn’t changed, I’ll return to him anyways because I really can’t go a day without missing him, his voice, his eyes...God, his stupid snuffing laugh. I’ve probably picked up the phone to call, or picked up my keys to drive to him at least a dozen times a day.” Eren chuckles gravely at that. “I’m sure I’m driving Mikasa up the walls. I feel bad enough I’m bumming off her couch.”

Hanji’s face was wrought with sympathy. She pulled Eren’s lanky frame into her own, stroking his chocolate hair. “Oh, honey, everyone’s worried. You two were the cosmic couple; no one saw this coming. But now that it’s done, we, your friends, all support you, whatever you choose. I trust you, as an adult, to make the choice best for yourself.”

Eren sniffled. His voice was muffled by Hanji’s thick scarf. “Thank you, Hanji.” He returned the hug gratefully. Then he pulled away quickly and mopped his face, straightening out to return to work. Hanji thought his profile seemed so forlorn in that moment, a strong breeze might blow him away. All of the virbancy she’d come to expect of her younger friend was miserably absent. Her heart pinched.

“Um, thanks for the coffee. And...I’ll think about it. I will, but I won’t make any promises.” He sighed once again. “I miss him. I miss what we used to be. I miss that house.”

“Levi doesn’t live in the house anymore.”

Eren looked at her sharply. She nodded.

“Yeah, he still has the deed and title and everything, and he still maintains it, but he’s been living with Erwin in the city.”

Eren vaguely nodded. “Two bachelors living and working together. Should I be worried?” He meant it as a lame joke, but it came out far more broken and pitiful. He abruptly hid his face in his one free hand, the other coming up as if to do the same. A sob wracked his body and Hanji moved to rub his back, hugging him close.

“Sweetheart...I think, if you give it a chance, Levi will prove you wrong. If you let him, he will truly treasure you and never let you go. These past months have wrecked him. Erwin had to ban him from the office because he was practically living under his desk, never stopping to breathe, so much as think.” She spoke as gently as she could. “I think you have shown him you are serious. Talk to him, reestablish something and then move slower going forward.”

Eren stared at the ground between his feet. “I make no promises,” he’d said, but in his heart, he felt the pain. _How long could he do this? Could he_ actually _live without Levi? I miss him. So much_. Eren laughed dryly. He could not remember a time before Levi. How had he survived until then? 

Later that week, once again staring blankly at the TV, his eyes drifted to his phone. Hanji’s words bounced around in his head. Did he believe her? That Levi was truly changed? _Could I walk back into that relationship? What would I have to put up with…_ Eren ran a hand through his hair, frustrated and tearing at the roots.

He loved Levi, he did. Respected the attractive, mature, organized, efficient man who’d for some bizarre reason, decided to return his feelings. They’d met on accident, and Eren had been struck by him, his darkly charismatic aura, his magnetic presence (despite his height). Eren loved that Levi was so hardworking and dedicated to his job. That’s what made this hard...how much of himself did he have to give up for a man like Levi? Was it worth it, in the end?

And Eren had decided he valued himself too much to stay in such a relationship. So he left. The breakup was as painful as he expected. The initial weeks, also predictably painful. But now...months after the fact, he could sense lightness. He knew if he just maintained time and space he could move on. Find someone better suited. The marks Levi left would scar, but they could heal.

Eren growled and stood up. He needed to go for a run. A long, hard run. Tire himself of these thoughts. They were not far from the ones that had been circling his head before the breakup. He strode towards his suitcase kept in the laundry room. Mikasa was luckily out until late. Tonight was one of the bartending nights. She used to give him and Levi free tap all the time if they went while she worked.

Eren clicked his tongue in annoyance and dug out his gym shorts and a T-shirt. Midway through tugging the latter on, he stopped. Froze as if the thought electrified him.

...That’s his answer, isn’t it?

He’ll never forget Levi, and never find someone quite as good, able to draw him away from the memory Levi had carved into his soul. He wasn’t even sure if there was anyone else _he_ wanted as badly as he wanted Levi.

Something odd settled in his stomach. Lead in his bones and butterflies in his throat. He swallowed, cotton-tongued, and dropped his shirt as he went back into the living room.

He looked at his phone again. Picked it up. Dialed the number he knows like his own. Barely a ring and--

“Eren?”

It was just as he remembered it and yet so much more. It was deep and scratchy but breathless and hesitant and so full of love and hurt. Or maybe he was just projecting.

“Hey.” Eren must’ve sounded the same and he winced. But he plowed forward. “We should talk. I was thinking about meeting up. At the beach. When are you free?”

He didn’t hesitate. “For you, anytime.”

How direct. “O-oh, well then, um...Is Saturday night good? 6?”

“Yes.” 

It sounded like promise and hope and relief. Eren felt his eyes prick because he felt the same.

“I’ll see you then. Bye Levi.”

“Bye Eren.”

Eren hesitated, just listening, then hung up.

…

Saturday arrived. Armin and Mikasa each asked Eren several times if he wanted them to come. He had to refuse, laughing at the umpteenth time. His friends shared a look. This was a good sign. Eren decided to wear his dark wash jeans and the olive green shirt that Levi had always liked.

Hearing Levi’s voice had actually done a lot to assure Eren of his change. Vaguely, those few words over the phone with Levi had sounded genuine in a familiar yet brand new way. It was hard to explain. Eren felt he could trust it. He was sick of being at war with himself over what if’s and what should’s and such.

Saturday, around 5, he drove out to Santa Maria beach in his truck. He drove down by the Wall Maria where he could park on the sand. He got out of the cabin and walked around the back to pop it open. He took off his sneakers and socks and left them there. He rolled up his jeans. With some twenty minutes to kill, he walked down to the water and pushed pebbles around with his feet. He doodled in the sand, skipped rocks. Calmed his mind.

He eventually returned to the flatbed of the truck and sat there, legs swinging off the end, arms gripping the edge, sea breeze knocking his wild hair about, smiling faintly because it was so peaceful. _He_ was peaceful. 

It was like this that Levi found him.

At first he didn’t say anything, just observed this beautiful boy for the first time in what felt like decades. Levi had to work surprisingly hard not to break into a run and throw himself on Eren, hold him tight, pepper him with kisses and apologies and never let him go.

He settled for calling out, “Eren.”

Eren’s head whipped around so hard, Levi feared whiplash. 

Eren’s eyes crashed into Levi’s like wilderness and exhilaration and coming home. Emotions soared across Levi’s face. Seeing him assured Eren even further. He was now --inexplicably-- free of manipulation and certain that Levi had changed.

Hesitantly, almost doubtingly, but instinctively, Eren reached out a hand. That’s all the summons Levi needed. He was there, entwining his own fingers with Eren’s. They both caught breaths at the contact. Eren’s legs naturally parted so Levi could come closer. The older man’s free hand grasped Eren’s waist firmly but not constricting. Eren internally sobbed at the feeling. He bowed his head to meet Levi’s forehead. He closed his eyes and just breathed, there. With Levi _there_.

The flatbed wasn’t very tall, but with Levi’s impressive five foot three, the distance was rather large. Levi pulled away to jump up into the flatbed himself. Eren spun on his butt throwing his legs over Levi’s and pulling him close for a sweet kiss.

When it ended, Levi spoke first, low and soft, not wanting to break the romantic, fresh-healing atmosphere. “I am not so naive as to think we are back together now, but you did ask to talk. What did you want to talk about?”

Eren had closed his eyes during the kiss and was keeping them closed, leaning his head against Levi’s shoulder as they spoke. “It would’ve been a lot longer before I called you. I was so afraid, Levi, that if I met you, I wouldn’t be able to resist you, regardless if I _should_ go back to you or not. But Hanji spoke to me. Spoke sense for once--” Eren felt elation at the low rumble that went through Levi’s chest as he chuckled at the wild woman’s expense.

Eren swallowed and sat up. The motion had Levi stiffening, his full attention on the younger. Eren opened his eyes and just looked into Levi’s, reading them, feeling them.

“I am still worried that this--” he gestured between them, referring to the past torturous months, “would only remind us of each other for a little while. I fear that in another several years, the same thing will happen.”

Levi grabbed his hand and cupped it oh-so-tenderly between his own, thumbs stroking the soft skin on the inside wrist. “No, that won’t happen. Because everything I do now will be colored by this--” he mimicked Eren’s earlier gesture with one of his hands quickly before putting it back on Eren’s.

“Eren, I will try more, try harder, with you. To be there for you, to put you first. But I am imperfect. _Please_ , do not be afraid to tell me if you are unhappy. I’d rather us talk, fight, _scream_ it out than go through another _day_ like how I’ve felt these past six months. Don’t be _afraid_ . God, I never, ever want you _afraid_ . I was never upset with _you_ , annoyed with _you_ , angry with _you_ but I ended up taking out my frustration for work on you. That was not fair and I apologize. I made you feel unwelcome in the home that was meant for _us._ God I-” His head dropped to his chest. Eren moved his free hand to place it on Levi’s cheek.

Levi lifted his head. “I, I missed you so much, Eren. I need you more than before. You _are_ my number one. My whole life. You can trust that, and I won’t ever hate you or be annoyed with you. Let me know if you feel that way. Please. I don’t want to lose you again.”

Eren smiled warmly, teeth glinting in the setting sun. “I could never stop loving you, Lee. It’s you or no one. You never lost me.”

“I almost drove you away--”

“I am here now.” Eren said loudly, firmly. He pulled free from Levi and motioned for him to move into the bed more. Now against the wall of the cabin, Eren sat so he was straddling Levi and pulled him into a tight embrace. There was no space between them. He whispered into Levi’s ear, voice cracking. “I am here now and want to be here more than anywhere else in the world.”

Levi’s hold was tight, so tight, and Eren never felt more loved.

…

The next day, they both moved back into the house.

Their friends all collectively showed no sign of surprise.

“Of course you were going to end up back together.”

“You guys had a relationship for nearly a decade before this. You couldn’t survive without each other.”

“I’m surprised you went so long without caving in to get back together.”

“If _this_ was the major speed bump to your relationship, then you guys don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Cosmic couple!”

There was a proper re-house warming. Eren and Levi spent the entire day cleaning everything. No spot of dirt or dust was left behind.

They also re-broke in the bed. It still held up well after multiple rounds, and still felt as comfortable to share afterwards.

...

It was an unusually warm February day. Only a month before Eren turned twenty nine. 

“It’s a bit brisk for the beach, doncha think?” Eren had one hand grappling the hair that had grown long enough for a ponytail. He’d forgotten an elastic. Levi’s hand was warm in his.

“Seriously, Levi, I’m not against an impromptu beach date, but the snow finished melting like, two weeks ago. We could’ve gone bowling or something equally lame inst--” Eren looked to his side and then had to look lower than usual. Levi was kneeling, looking up at him with such adoration in his eyes it stole the air right from Eren’s lungs. He knew what was coming. His heart began to pound very hard. 

Levi brought Eren’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss there, making the taller man shiver. One of his hands went to a pocket in his jacket. He pulled out a little velvet box. Eren’s air returned all at once in a gasp. Levi’s hand clenched around his. Then the man started to speak,

“Everything we’ve been through...I know I can’t live without you, Eren. I want to see the rest of this life with you at my side. Will you marry me?”

Eren fell to his own knee and reached out to cup Levi’s jaw. “Of course, love. We don’t need a ring or anything to label what we have. But that being said…”

Eren withdrew both his hands and dug through his pockets in a slightly sheepish manner. He pulled out a similar looking box.

Levi blinked at the sight of it for a solid minute before his face softened into a smirk. “Do you even know my ring size?”

Eren shrugged. “Figured it was the same as my aunt. She’s got these dainty little--” Levi interrupted that comment by shoving Eren into the sand.

“Aww hell! Now sand is in my hair. Not cool!” Eren sat up and dusted at his head for a while, then tossed his box at Levi. The shorter man caught it with an eyebrow raised and opened the box.

“...Do you like it?”

“Put it on me.”

Eren took the box and tugged out the band. He reached for Levi’s right hand, but Levi stuck out his left and Eren blushed briefly.

“I do like it.” It was a band of platinum, with a tiny sapphire embedded in the middle. A thin stripe of dark tungsten metal split the silver in two. It was classy and elegant. Simple and masculine. Eren had thought it fit Levi perfectly.

“Now me!”

Eren nearly bounced with anticipation and threw his right hand before remembering and correcting himself. Levi gave him a look like “what are you, 4?” as he pulled out his own ring. He slid it on Eren’s finger and the brunette lifted it up to admire it. It was a gold band with a delicate, artful etching of a feather pattern. A thin strip of silver ran down the middle of the feather. In the middle of the feather were three tiny jewels: diamond, square cut emerald, another diamond. They glimmered brilliantly in the sun when Eren shifted his hand.

He pulled it close to his face, cradling his hand. His tapered fingers stroked it a second and then he bent and pressed his lips to it. This ring was nicer than anything he owned, and normally it’d make him frustrated to get such an expensive gift. But this wasn't a gift. It was a manifestation of their bond. In truth, no thing could truly match the depth of that feeling, but wedding rings had the appropriate connotation. This was special.

He felt a hand on his cheek and Levi lifted his face up. Their eyes met, then closed, and they kissed. A tangle of limbs sitting on a beach where, years past, they shared a first kiss. And now, it was a confirmation and a promise of what they already knew.

They belonged together, forever. And what a whirlwind they’d be.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin. I just really like hanging out with the characters in my head space.
> 
> Also, I should note this fic was inspired by Walk the Moon's Anna Sun, if you want some mood setting music


End file.
